Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
