i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
