my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
