I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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