I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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