as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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