My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
