I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this just has baby written all over it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
