I just pynch a tree in the face
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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