I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
