when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
