Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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