I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
