I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
