i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
