Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
