do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
