my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We have so much sex to catch up on
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
