who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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