She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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