Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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