At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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