Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
