Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
