if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
