C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize