I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
