he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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