hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You pole danced in your parka.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
