I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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