I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
