Sry I called you an 8
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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