I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
