I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
