he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
