apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every concussion has its silver lining
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
