please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
