I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
