omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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