Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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