My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
