There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
