nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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