he puts the penis in happiness.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
