He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
