There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
