So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
