4 words: hood of his car
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I understand Curling. That high.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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