The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
