I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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