haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
