Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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