He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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