so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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